Tonight Dave and I snuck out of the hospital to Ruby River. We have had to pay for a lot lately, and in the near future, things like: a full time nanny, Ben and Jacks 2nd birthday, the holidays are coming up, a lung transplant...etc. So I thought it was really sweet and I appreciated him taking me out to eat. We've desperately needed some 'one on one' time together. It was nice to feel some romance again even if I had four liters of oxygen and a medicine bag, which I call my " ball and chain ". We sat right next to each other on one side of the booth. He told me I was beautiful and told me he loves me so much. I loved it.
I think the adversary trys to make you feel like your not good enough. Especially when your body is so sick and vulnerable.
I was reading Paul Cardalls book and what stood out to me was the part where he had to sleep with three or four pillows sitting up just to feel comfortable. I thought of my brother James and his last stay in the hospital and how he had to stand in his room holding the bi pap to his face all day and all night just to feel comforable. But I don't think he ever got comfortable after that. Ive wondered if it is to soon to go through with the transplant because i saw how much misery james went through, but then the thought popped into my mind that James does not want me to suffer Like he did. He is so selfless and is still playing the role of my big brother.