I've been telling myself, 'one day at a time' for so many years now. I've had to attain a certain mindset over the last thirty two years; of doing the best I can today, live in the moment, don't think about the future, trust in the Lord and don't disappoint him. He gave me four very special children and for some reason he thought I was going to see that they returned home to Him. Well there's nothing I want more. So it's always been 'one day at a time' because that's all I could handle. So my point is, 'How can I change my thinking?' It's always been...'Is this the last family picture we'll take?' or 'Is this our last family vacation?' The nice thing about that is I have cherished moments that I otherwise would have taken for granted.
The other night we were in the cafeteria at the hospital and Julie was being her cute self, talking to her Dad and Dave. I was trying to take it all in because she was so beautiful. Julie has another lease on life now. I am having a hard time wrapping my head and my heart around it. I talked to Richard about it and He said, "It's because, it's too big." That makes a lot of sense to me. But how do I trust what's been given to us? It means too much to me to have Julie in my life. If I give into it, will she still be taken away? I would feel so vulnerable.
The fact is, that Julie has been the sunshine on a dark day, and I have I have many of them. Over and over again, all her life she has picked me up. I really don't know what I'd do without her. If ever I knew my Heavenly Father had given me a gift, it was when He sent me my daughter. He knew I would need her.
Like all parents, it's been a great learning experience that I treasure, raising my children. I have always felt extremely blessed. Heavenly Father knows I am a rebellious spirit that takes a long time to catch on. So He knew He would have to kick me in the butt all the way to heaven. I just hope I make it...and He will hold me in His arms and tell me, 'You did your best.'
Julie thank you for the kind words you wrote in the blog. http://www.lungsforjulie.com/2011/03/march-13th-904-am-yesterday-was-special.html
I feel the same way, but you know that already. I didn't mean this to be so long! (I actually had more to say).
With love, Linda