Sunday, March 6, 2011
It is quarter to nine right now. I am very sleepy. It seems as though anytime we get news, my adrenaline kicks in and I'm wired for about 45 minutes. Julie did well last night. She fought through a lot and in her words, 'they kicked her body's butt'. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude right now. She is alive. Life is a beautiful thing and cannot be taken for granted. Julie's dad Rick said that the feeling he felt when Linda told him it was time was an all too familiar feeling of the Spirit of God. He said he missed that feeling of being overcome with the spirit. It was for him a confirmation of peace. He and Linda have encountered the spirit a lot through their struggles. From Linda losing her parents when she was 21, to their firstborn son James receiving open heart surgery @ 6 months, to him being diagnosed with CF at 11 months and finally to have a beautiful daughter born with the same debilitating disease two years later, their 20's were brutal. Through it all, they say they have come to know God. It is so ironic that the hardest parts of our lives are paired with lessons that bring us feelings of peace and solace. Many times it is not till after we are at our wit's end that we feel this warmth. Despite the possible outcomes, we learn to accept our inability to control what is happening. When we accept that in our hearts, peace will follow. I know this because I have experienced it tonight and several other times in my life. The prayers that we utter even sometimes with a glimmer of hope, are always heard. I couldn't have asked for a better outcome so far. It wasn't the way I had pictured or what I thought was 'ideal' but it is very positive. Much like Julie being with me for a long time in general. I never really considered transplant when we first met. I always thought she would encounter a better treatment or a cure for her disease. The peace I felt early on in our courtship was associated with the outcome, not the means by which it would come. We tend to want to try and explain our peace by rationalizing what we might think will happen, or evaluate what the 'reason' was that God allowed something to happen. We need not do that; just remember what we felt and hold on to that. THANK YOU to all who have prayed for us. It is carrying us and will continue to do so.