Dear Benjamin and Jackson,
I created this blog for you. I wanted you to know what your mother and I went through in the early years of your life. Tonight at about 11:30pm your mother entered uncharted waters. I want you to know that as she got closer to going into the operating room, she became more and more calm. The priesthood blessing that your Grandfather Jackson and I gave her before we wheeled her down was the power of God instilling peace. It was simply amazing to watch as her demeanor changed. Her anxiety diminished. She began to be calm and collected. Although she was nervous, I saw the courage in her eyes. She believes in God and knows he is as real as you are. She knows that she will be with you for a very long time here on earth and for eternity. You two, are the reason she has fought this long. She is here to be your mother and you to be her sons. Make her proud. Your mother never complains of her demise. She faces it head on. She has a lot of discomfort, fatigue, and anxiety associated with her lung disease that makes it hard for her to breathe. However, she has a myriad of treatments that she abides by religiously in order to lead a "normal" life. She is the definition of perseverance. Don't ever complain of what you are faced with; just look at your options and go to work. That is what Julie does day in and day out. She doesn't mope around at how terrible her life is. She doesn't want anyone to pity her. She lives as though she has a perfectly normal life. Despite being in the hospital for 1/3 of the last calendar year, she still is very involved in what you eat, when you sleep, what you are saying and doing. She is a very active mom. You are the apples in her eye. She adores you. As you may know when you read this, she films you on her iPhone constantly. I don't know when we will watch all those videos, but your early life has been well documented. Stay positive in your life. There is no need to dwell on mistakes or the unknown. Your mother sees things pretty black and white, but her humility and her mercy are overarching qualities. She loves her fellow man and is very sensitive to others feelings. She is forward thinking when it comes to mistakes of her own and of others. She rarely dwells on the past. She is courageous, she is funny, she is happy. She is YOUR mom.